NT - Joke for Today

[Gail in Virginia]

AMAZINGLY SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES:

1. AVOID CUTTING YOURSELF WHEN SLICING VEGETABLES BY GETTING SOMEONE

ELSE TO HOLD THE VEGETABLES WHILE YOU CHOP.

2. AVOID ARGUMENTS WITH THE FEMALES ABOUT LIFTING THE TOILET SEAT BY

USING THE SINK.

3. FOR HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE SUFFERERS ~ SIMPLY CUT YOURSELF AND BLEED

FOR A FEW MINUTES, THUS REDUCING THE PRESSURE ON YOUR VEINS. REMEMBER TO

USE A TIMER.

4. A MOUSE TRAP PLACED ON TOP OF YOUR ALARM CLOCK WILL PREVENT YOU FROM

ROLLING OVER AND GOING BACK TO SLEEP AFTER YOU HIT THE SNOOZE BUTTON.

5. IF YOU HAVE A BAD COUGH, TAKE A LARGE DOSE OF LAXATIVES. THEN YOU'LL

BE AFRAID TO COUGH.

6. YOU ONLY NEED TWO TOOLS IN LIFE - WD-40 AND DUCT TAPE. IF IT DOESN'T

MOVE AND SHOULD, USE THE WD-40. IF IT SHOULDN'T MOVE AND DOES, USE THE

DUCT TAPE.

7. IF YOU CAN'T FIX IT WITH A HAMMER, YOU'VE GOT AN ELECTRICAL

PROBLEM.

DAILY THOUGHT:

SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE SLINKIES - NOT REALLY GOOD FOR ANYTHING, BUT THEY BRING A SMILE TO YOUR FACE WHEN PUSHED DOWN THE STAIRS.

[Margaret CPA in OH]

Thanks, Gail, I needed that!

[jainen]

>>WD-40 AND DUCT TAPE<<

In my opinion, these are the second and third basic foundations of Western Civilization. Number One is the Vise-Grip.

[Catherine]

Gail -- that was just WONDERFUL! Thanks so much.

[JohnH]

>>WD-40 AND DUCT TAPE<<

In my opinion, these are the second and third basic foundations of Western Civilization. Number One is the Vise-Grip.

I agree in principle, but in my opinion there's a slightly different order.

Western Civlization is built of concrete & steel, but it's all held together by duct tape and Velcro.

[Catherine]

I agree in principle, but in my opinion there's a slightly different order.

Western Civlization is built of concrete & steel, but it's all held together by duct tape and Velcro.

Indoor plumbing gets my vote!!

[bstaxes]

Thanks you the laugh and the smile on my face. My Dad says duct tape is good for everything, including holding body parts together. It really stops the bleeding.

[Lion EA]

The greatest invention was venetian blinds, because without them it'd be curtains for all of us. That was actually on a sociology exam I had in high school.