Sure is dull

[BLACK BART]

around here.  Anybody heard any good jokes lately?

One from last week:  Guy says "Lock your wife and your dog in the garage for an hour;" asks "Which one do you think will be glad to see you?"

Yeah, yeah,  I know.  It's slim pickin's, but you've gotta work with what you have.  

 

 

[Elrod]

I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with, but I've been tripping all day.

When you look really closely, all mirrors look like eyeballs.

I know a lot of jokes about unemployed people but none of them work.......

[schirallicpa]

If an accountant's wife cannot sleep, what does she say?
"Darling, could you tell me about your work."

 

Why accountants don't read novels?
Because the only numbers in them are page numbers.
 

[ILLMAS]

Three little boys are talking about how great their father are, first boy says his father has super strength and can hit a baseball around the world, the second boy, says his father invented video games, the third boy says he has the best father because he works to 4pm but is his home by noon, with a puzzled look the other two boys asked, where does your father work?  Boy responded:  The government

[Possi]

One man has 8 children. 

Another man has $1M. 

Who is happier? 

The man with 8 children because he doesn't want anymore. 

[Possi]

Old man in the gym sees a pretty young thing and asks his trainer, "Which machine should I use to impress HER?" 

The trainer says, "Try the ATM downstairs."

[FDNY]

Jerry was worried his wife was losing her hearing so he asked his doctor about it.  Doc said give her a hearing test.  Say something in a normal voice and keep getting closer until she hears you and you'll know how bad is her hearing.

Jerry goes home and at 40 feet he asks Linda what's for dinner.  No answer.  Tries again at 30, 20, and 10 feet with no responses.

Finally Jerry walks up behind Linda and asks her "what's for dinner Honey?"

Linda swings around and says "Jeez A Lou Jerry, for the friggin' 4th time CHICKEN!"

[Randall]

Old accountants never die, they just get out of balance.

 

[Randall]

We're not bean counters.

We're legume controllers.

 

[Catherine]

One company owner asks another: “Tell me, Bill, how come your employees are always on time in the mornings?”

Bill replies: “Easy. 30 employees and 20 parking spaces.”

[Catherine]

This is a little naughty, but I love it.

 

An 85-year-old man had by his doctor request a sperm count as part of his physical exam. 
The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow." The next day the 
85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day. 
The doctor asked, what happened and the man explained. 
"Well, doc, it's like this--first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing. We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin' it between her knees, but still nothing." 
The doctor was shocked! "You asked your neighbor?" 
The old man replied, "Yep, none of us could get the jar open."

[Lion EA]

You guys made my day! (Working on a partnership, parents/entertainers joint return with a dozen K-1s and three Schedule Cs and multiple states, plus two college kids that worked in multiple states.)

[Elrod]

1 hour ago, Lion EA said:

You guys made my day! (Working on a partnership, parents/entertainers joint return with a dozen K-1s and three Schedule Cs and multiple states, plus two college kids that worked in multiple states.)

Lion with laughter.....

[Catherine]

19 hours ago, Lion EA said:

Working on a partnership

That reminds me; I have a gnarly fiscal year trust to finish up.  Just got what I hope are the rest of the docs last night.  Blech.  Well, it ain't gonna get finished by me grumblin' about it!

[Lion EA]

And did I tell you? Found paperclipped to all the Merrill Lynch accounts, one that's a trust. I told them the trust would not be completed this week, only their personal returns, and told them what I need, such as the trust documents, tax ID (it's masked on the ML statement), anything else besides the one Merrill Lynch account, etc.

Not only did she not mention a new trust, but she forgot to tell me about the sale of a building by an S-corp, so nearly $350,000 income on that K-1. I would've had them send more with their extensions, probably pay more 15 January 2019 if they'd had the final numbers by then.

I had a chance to see that S-corp info sooner. CPA prepared short year returns and went on vacation to Bermuda. CT didn't like short year on 2017 forms, because they revised their forms for 2018. Client called me in March to revise CT return, but it's not in my system/I didn't prepare the S-crop returns and I was a little busy. CT actually talked her through putting the info on their new forms and faxing it to them. So, I received that K-1 and CT-K1 recently. The one with $350,000 of income.

Plus other K-1s with losses and no basis statements. Three schedule Cs. They owe about $60,000.

 I really don't charge enough!

As you say, I need to get back to work. Just dreading calling them with their balance due.

[Elrod]

4 hours ago, Catherine said:

That reminds me; I have a gnarly fiscal year trust to finish up.  Just got what I hope are the rest of the docs last night.  Blech.  Well, it ain't gonna get finished by me grumblin' about it!

Catherine diving into her work......Then..grumblin' about it!

[BLACK BART]

On ‎8‎/‎12‎/‎2019 at 4:10 PM, Catherine said:

This is a little naughty, but I love it...

Catherine,

In the (paraphrased) words of Captain Renault ("Casablanca"), "I'm shocked, shocked to find that a naughty joke is going on in here"! 

Meanwhile, here's another:

Little girl to little boy - "Can I touch it? 

Little boy to little girl - "No! You've already broken yours off."

 

 

[ILLMAS]

If you boil a funny bone, does it become a laughing stock?

 

Thats humerus 

 

https://images.app.goo.gl/j2JJmJ8oAdZ6U1JJ8