Come again?

[RitaB]

I can't stop laughing.  Guy says he desperately needs me to save his life by doing one year of bookkeeping and his tax return.

Me:  Well, I would love to save your life after tax season, so bring in last year's return, I'll get you an extension and you can pay at least as much as last year's liability now, which will put you on a respirator, but you'll survive.

Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you.  You won't be sorry.  I pay everything thru my bank account except for the stuff I pay by cash.  I'm pretty organized.

 

 

 

[FDNY]

Sounds like he has all his records organized, should be a snap. 

[ILLMAS]

Those exact words reminds me of a former client, I saved his life by completing a couple of years of zero quarterly returns, and to add icing to the cake, he promised I would be his accountant for his secret mix of roasted coffee bean business. 

This is me

 

[Catherine]

Sometimes I think that instead of tax prep, I should just hit myself in the head with a brick.  It would hurt less, and be over faster!

[Jack from Ohio]

1 hour ago, Catherine said:

Sometimes I think that instead of tax prep, I should just hit myself in the head with a brick.  It would hurt less, and be over faster!

 

[RitaB]

6 hours ago, FDNY said:

Sounds like he has all his records organized, should be a snap. 

Oh snap is exactly what I thought, except not "snap".  I know his records will be in ship shape.  Ship.  Shape.

[FDNY]

That extension will give you ample time to properly prepare a well deserving plot on the back 40.  

[Possi]

2 hours ago, FDNY said:

That extension will give you ample time to properly prepare a well deserving plot on the back 40.  

((((hugs))))

[RitaB]

I will sign put XXOO on his first invoice.

 

[rfassett]

Reminds me of a client that dropped off his stuff a couple weeks ago.  I know he is in the midst of a divorce but the couple wants to file a joint return.  No problem so far.  This is a very long term client and all the associated risks and issues have been addressed.  He calls last week and needs to see me immediately.  I already had a very full day and told my secretary to make an appointment with him on the morrow.  No way, he says, this is a life and death issue.  That got my attention and I carved out some time for him an hour later.  He comes in, we go to the conference room, and he starts crying and he hands me a 1099-K from a massage parlor (not the business that I do the work for).  Turns out the girl at the massage parlor talked him into putting his information on the credit card processing because she does not have a green card, etc, etc blah blah blah!  Turns out this girl - who has to be 40 years this client's junior - is the impetus behind the divorce.  The life and death issue was he did not want the 1099-k showing up on the joint return for his wife to see.  He was right about the  life and death issue - I almost killed him myself for being so stupid.

[JohnH]

He's wanting you to "massage" the numbers. 

I guess you told him that train has already left the station.

(Or perhaps the cat is already out of the house).

The possibilities for mangled idioms in the situation are truly mind-boggling.

 

[ILLMAS]

I hope there is a happy ending to your clients problems.