LAUGH OF THE DAY

[kcjenkins]

A lawyer and a blonde woman are sitting next to each other on a long flight. The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde is tired and just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and tries to catch a few winks.
The lawyer persists, that the game is a lot of fun. "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me only $5; you ask me one, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500." This catches the blonde's attention and, to keep him quiet, she agrees to play the game.

The lawyer asks the first question: "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches in to her purse, pulls out a $5 bill, and hands it to the lawyer.

Now, it's the blonde's turn. She asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?"

The lawyer uses his laptop, searches all references. He uses the Airphone; he searches the Net and even the Library of Congress. He sends e-mails to all the smart friends he knows, all to no avail. After a good hour of searching he finally gives up. He wakes up the blonde and hands her $500. The blonde takes the $500 and goes back to sleep.

The lawyer is going nuts not knowing the answer. He wakes her up and asks, "Well, so what goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four?" The blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5 and goes back to sleep.

[MAMalody]

One Easter a priest and a taxi driver both died and went to heaven. St. Peter was at the Pearly gates waiting for them.

 

'Come with me,' said St. Peter to the taxi driver.

 

The taxi driver did as he was told and followed St Peter to a mansion. It had everything you could imagine from a bowling alley to an Olympic size pool.

'Oh my word, thank you,' said the taxi driver.

 

Next, St. Peter led the priest to a rough old shack with a bunk bed and a little old television set.

'Wait, I think you are a little mixed up,' said the priest.

'Shouldn't I be the one who gets the mansion? After all I was a priest, went to church every day, and preached God's word.'

 

'Yes, that's true.' St Peter rejoined, 'But during your Easter sermons people slept.  When the taxi driver drove, everyone prayed.'

[kcjenkins]

It's amazing how obsessed everyone's become with their phones, playing with their phones all the time -- at restaurants, movies, gym (so I've heard), while driving, eating, walking, talking.

The other day I was at a funeral when the person next to me asked me, "Rabbi, what's the wifi password at the cemetery?"

I told him, "Have some respect for the dead!"

"Thank you Rabbi," the person replied.

After a pause, he asked, "Is that all lower case?"

[kcjenkins]

Incredible to see how the mother instinctively cradles the young croc in her mouth to keep it out of harm's way.

[kcjenkins]