Laugh of the Day

[kcjenkins]

Two blondes were sipping their Starbucks when a truck went past loaded up with rolls of sod.
"I'm going to do that when I win the lottery," announced Blonde #1.
"Do what?" asked Blonde #2.

"Send my lawn out to be mowed."

[kcjenkins]

[Terry O]

:spaz:

[Gail in Virginia]

Now that's funny!

[Lion EA]

Thanx, I needed that !!

[Guest Taxed]

Pull hard or wait for the thaw! No good choices here!

[kcjenkins]

Don't know whether to laugh or cry or curse over this one?

TRIPLE DIPPER: William Mazzuca, 66, has been charged with felony fraud
after records showed he collected more than $16,000 in unemployment
benefits while he was being paid a salary as Supervisor of Philipstown,
N.Y. That position only paid $25,000 a year, but he was also being paid
$115,000 on a state pension. At one point he was also being paid
$90,000 as a Homeland Security liaison to the Inspector General's
Office of the state Power Authority, and also during his term as
Supervisor he worked as a Westchester County deputy correction
commissioner, which paid $120,000 a year. When asked to comment about
his fraud arrest, Mazzuca replied, "I won't speak to that." (RC/White
Plains Journal-News)

[Catherine]

Don't know whether to laugh or cry or curse over this one?

<snip>

All of the above?

[kcjenkins]

The Cowboy And The IRS Genie

A modern-day cowboy has spent many days crossing the desert without water. His horse has already died of thirst. He's crawling through the sand, certain that he has breathed his last, when all of a sudden, he sees an object sticking out of the sand several yards ahead of him.

He crawls to the object, pulls it out of the sand, and discovers what looks to be an old briefcase. He opens it and out pops a genie. But this is no ordinary genie. She is wearing an Internal Revenue Service ID badge and a dull gray dress. There's a calculator in her pocketbook. She has a pencil tucked behind one ear.

"Well, cowboy," says the genie. "You know how I work. You have three wishes."

"I'm not falling for this." Says the man. "I'm not going to trust an IRS lawyer genie!"

"What do you have to lose? You've got no transportation, and it looks like you're a goner anyway!"

The man thinks about this for a minute, and decides that the genie is right.

"OK, I wish I were in a lush oasis with plenty of food and drink."

POOF: The cowboy finds himself in the most beautiful oasis he has ever seen. And he is surrounded with jugs of wine and platters of delicacies.

"OK, cowpoke, what's your second wish?"

"My second wish is that I were rich beyond my wildest dreams."

POOF: The man finds himself surrounded by treasure chests filled with rare gold coins and precious gems.

"OK, cowpuncher, you have just one more wish. Better make it a good one!"

After thinking for a few minutes, the man says, "I wish that no matter where I go, beautiful women will want and need me."

POOF: He is turned into a tampon.

The moral of the story: If the government offers you anything, there's going to be a string attached.

[Lion EA]

[Guest Taxed]

Good one! Hate to imagine when the string is pulled out!

[kcjenkins]

Three guys were at deer camp. They had to bunk two to a room.

No one wanted to room with Steve because he snored so badly. They decided it wasn’t fair to make one of them stay with him the whole time, so they voted to take turns.

The first night, John slept in Steve’s room and came to breakfast the next morning with his hair a mess and his eyes all bloodshot. The rest of the guys said, “Man, what happened to you?”

He said, “Steve snored so loudly, I just sat up and watched him all night.”

The next night it was Garry’s turn. In the morning, same thing–hair all standing up, eyes all blood-shot. Once again they asked, “Man, what happened to you? You look awful!”

He said, “Man, that Steve shakes the roof. I couldn’t sleep a wink. I just watched him all night.”

The third night was Herb’s turn. Herb was a big burly guy who loved to fish and hunt — a man’s man.

The next morning he came to breakfast bright eyed and bushy tailed. “Good morning,” he said.

The guys couldn’t believe it! They said, “Man, what happened?”

He said, “Well, we got ready for bed. I went and tucked Steve into bed and kissed him good night. He sat up and watched me all night long.”