I feel bad for this lady every year...Financial spousal abuse?

[Janitor Bob]

My client is married to an "asshole son-of-a-bitch"....her words. Every year for the past 5 years, he files MFS, itemizes and takes all of the deductions (Huge mortgage interest in his name only). My client has no deductions except a little bit of state and local taxes paid. Every year, he gets a huge refund (or at least he tells her he does), and she always owes...a lot.

Husband keeps a separate room (locked) where he keeps all of his financial information. Has never even let my client see his tax returns.....It is only from an IRS notice a few years ago that we found out that he is itemizing on his returns (she did not know it, so her first year we filed MFS and took standard deduction....now, we just assume he does every year. He will not confirm or deny, but she did see a 2012 1098 that showed over $11,000 mortgage interest paid....so safe assumption he does.

a few years ago, she managed to sneak a copy of his 1040 return and make a copy. We looked at it and the net results would be a LOT better if they did MFJ. She explained that to him (without revealing how she knew) and he told her "I know....but I like that you owe, and I get a refund...that's how its supposed to be".

She does not have enough income at her part-time job to be independent and this guy apparently knows that and and treats her like crap because he knows he has her trapped.

Every year, she reminds him that his filing MFS and itemizing is costing her big bucks ($2100 this year because she only had 1099 income so no taxes withheld)....she tells me that he just looks at her and smiles.

I just had to share this because she just left my office in tears after a long "what would you do if you were me?" one-sided conversation.

She is financially trapped.....seems like there should be something she could do...seems like if you are married, both sides should need to agree to MFS....but that would open a different can of worms. I do not see where any type of injured or innocent spouse applies here.

[Lion EA]

Divorce. She needs a lawyer as well as a tax preparer. And, a women's counseling group. And, the courthouse social worker -- abuse does not have to be physical to be legal abuse.

If there is a joint checking account or a "household" allowance, she could make sure she sends in generous ES payments starting right now for 2013. If she can't buy groceries because she made ES payments, then hubby will have to deal with it. You need to help her get a refund about the same size as his -- and put it in her separate account to save up for her future as a single woman.

She should make use of her health insurance benefits to get counseling, hopefully as a couple, but alone if hubby will not go.

[ILLMAS]

Wow, by any chance did she say "but he loves me"? Maybe you can recommend her to call the Taxpayer advocate group, they might be able to help her for free.

http://www.irs.gov/uac/Contact-Your-Advocate!

[kcjenkins]

Do they have kids? She needs to pay estimated taxes, no matter how she arranges it. But a good divorce lawyer seems like the BEST advice.

[JJStephens]

Next year file early and take all the deductions! Give him a taste of his own medicine. I don't normally use such language but I agree with her assessment.

[Janitor Bob]

They both have older adult children that live far away. He won't even let her open the mail, so she will never get the paperwork needed to "steal" the deductions....he only gives her her mail after he reviews it. their living expenses (food, clothing, etc) are totally separate, except that he gives her money on occasion when he wants her to buy certain grocery items for meals.

He occasionally takes her out for dinner, but only when he needs "physical attention"

I suggested divorce, but she said she was just gonna wait for him to die and hope that that happened soon.

[Guest Taxed]

JB for what it is worth, don't play the role of a divorce mediator or marriage counselor! The only one who will get burnt will be you.

A long time back when I was inexperienced I got myself involved in a similar situation trying to play the good guy, doing all sorts of projections MFJ/MFS HH etc only to find out that I could not make anyone happy and at the end lost both as clients within a few years. These people were my friends before. I worked with the lady in my very first job!

I now say sorry i am not getting in the middle of a couple's financial issues in marriage. I am here to do a tax return. I explain how MFJ and MFS works that's it. Their marriage and financial issue are their problem not mine. Sorry.

[Janitor Bob]

A good point brought up in another post in this community. What if she filed before he did and claimed the standard deduction? Would he then be forced to claim standard or would she be forced to amend and itemize?

If one spouse wants to itemize, but the other wants the standard deduction, who does the IRS side with? The one who files first or the one that wants to itemize?

[Guest Taxed]

I believe it is first come first serve! I don't recall any tie breaker rules. Granted I do may be less than 6 MFS but these are by choice.

[Lion EA]

If one MFS spouses itemizes, then the standard deduction is $0 so the other MFS spouse is better off itemizing if only for a bit of donations to a charity and her state income taxes. If she insists upon the standard deduction, then you as the preparer know it is $0. Don't know how efficient the IRS is at matching up the spouses deductions.

[JJStephens]

Some years ago I had a situation where the couple were separated (to put it nicely). The wife/ex told my client that she took the standard deduction so we followed suit on his return. When we e-filed it bounced because she had, in fact, itemized. We had to modify his return and resubmit.

[joanmcq]

This is horrible. I agree you're just her tax preparer, but waiting for him to die is no way to live. She needs counseling g, and not joint. And a plan to get free. Do the adult kids know her situation? Is she close to them? And prepare her estimates for the upcoming year.

[Guest Taxed]

As bad and horrible the situation is I would not want to see any tax preparer get "emotionally" involved in a client's financial issues related to a bad marriage.

You may think I am cold and don't have a heart, but I have learned from experience.

[MsTabbyKats]

Keep out of it. Her problems may run much deeper than you think.

[Eric]

...but waiting for him to die is no way to live...

Yep, sometimes it pays to be.. uhh.. proactive.

[Cathy]

JB,

It sounds like she definitely is suffering from spousal abuse (mental abuse which sometimes is the worst kind). It's almost impossible not to care and be concerned especially when you see with your own eyes the abusive situation that exists even with a tax return. I positively agree with others that she is in need of counseling....desperately needs counseling as a matter of fact.

I know you wish there was more you could do, JB, but no one knows what keeps abused spouses from getting out of a horrible situation. I don't see anything other than strongly suggesting she gets counseling. There are many "free" or "sliding scale" counselors available in some communities for people of little means. Again, strongly suggest that she seeks counseling as counselors are trained on how to get through to abused spouses (if it's possible at all with a particular individual). Counseling might not give her the courage and self esteem that she needs to change her life for the better, but it's her best chance at the moment!

If she lives in a community property state, you have a completely different situation and steps that could be taken to rectify the problem. If memory serves me correctly, the state you (and she) live in isn't a community property state. Too bad..........

Take care,

Cathy

[kcjenkins]

Sad as it seems, she works and has some income, and she COULD leave him and file for divorce. The fact that she stays with him says that she has made a choice. And remember too that yoou are hearing only one side of the situation. He MAY be that bad, but since they have been together long enough to have adult children tells me there is something she is getting out of the situation. Stay out of it JB. If EITHER itemizes, the other has too as well, it's not a first filer wins situation.