Dear Client 2013

[RitaB]

Dear Client,

Thank you for dropping in Friday night at 6:30 on your way to dinner to see how your return is looking. It's a good thing you did that because I finish returns and forget to tell people all the time. You know, because I don't really want to be paid, I just enjoy paying business expenses and being hounded by people, and I have a tree at home with all the Benjamins I need. Enjoy your dinner.

[MsTabbyKats]

Just like children...clients need limits. I myself refuse to take calls between 11 PM and 5 AM.

[Catherine]

Dear Client,

Before I work on your 1120 with the incomplete documentation, I require payment of your 6-months-past-due bill -- as clearly stated in my engagement letter. Yes, that means you. No, I will not finish this return first. And for the second year in a row, when I say I need expenses, "AmEx $18K" is NOT an expense. It is a payment method.

Sincerely yours,

[Randall]

RitaB, can you send me some seedlings of that tree?

[RitaB]

RitaB, can you send me some seedlings of that tree?

Only if you show up between 11 pm and 5 am and bring Grover Clevelands.

[SCL]

i have a few needy clients (out of 100+) who are backed up a bit (2 or 3 weeks) and do things like this (mainly phone call/messages about "MY RETURN").

i return their call, sooner than later, and tell them they are not ready, yet...why?

their return has particular PROBLEMS (almost always true and they know it) that require my specific attention.

i tell them: "i hope to get your return out in the next week, or so" (almost always true...unless a rare extension is needed).

i ran this story by my insightful wife. i told her... i REALLY want to tell the needy clients that every 5 minute call/response is a +$10 addition to their billing.

she is wise. she advised: don't tell them...just do it.

[JohnH]

Next time they call, tell them you pulled their file out of the stack to answer their question, but then you placed it back at the bottom of the stack so now it has slipped further down the schedule.

Then ask if they want you to pull it out again, give them the same answer as before, and take the chance that you might accidentally return it to the bottom of the new stack.

[kcjenkins]

Listen to your wife, SHE IS RIGHT.