BLACK BART

Dear BHoffman, I'm also very sorry to hear of your extremely stressful situation. Mine (and maybe some others here too) pales by comparison and I apologize if I inadvertently made light of the severe struggle you've undergone. I suppose there's not much practical help anyone can offer in such matters, but we can listen, sympathize, and pray that things work out and fall into place for you. While I'm fairly new around here, this is the nicest bunch of people and posters I've ever encountered and I'm sure they are all thinking of you and pulling for you. Best wishes and tell that husband of yours you've got lots of friends here who are going to be really mad at him if he doesn't try and turn things around for you. Sincerely, BB

I'm pretty sure we all feel like that about our significant others (would be tough finding better/cheaper replacements), but I'm in Ms. Hoffman's camp this time - we've bickered more this season than I can ever remember (if IRS adds one more line to 8867 I'm goin' to Little Rock myself and carry one of those protest signs). We're still speaking, but we've had a venting system in place for some years. I slam down officer machinery - she throws staplers (no; not at each other/in the presence of clients). So far I'm down two Canon calculators and a couple of wastebaskets while she's out 3-Ace Cadets/1-Paper Pro staplers. I figure it's about the best $300 or so I've ever spent. If I ever switch to that Judy's ten-key thing I'll go nuts - can't afford to body-slam my Dell computer. ----------------------------------------------------------------- Overheard joke: "Have you heard Bill's wife is leaving him for another guy?" "No. Who?" "She said: ANYBODY ELSE!"

_______________________________________ It destroys one's nerves to be amiable every day to the same human being. ------ DISRAELI (from: Best Quotations - Lewis C. Henry) /

Dear taxxcpa, I extend my apologies; I didn't really mean to be so short and snippy - bad day (or rotten disposition my better half says) I guess. You've got a point though; it is kind of like passing up $75 laying on the ground. On the other hand, like Jack said - I cain't hardly get 'em to sit down and shut up in less than five minutes

Dear Frazzled, At this time I'm frizzled, so maybe not the best source, but on my ATX all you gotta do is add new form 4852, fill in the money, etc., then go to the W-2 input mode and type it all again. It should then pop up on line seven of the 1040. It's been awhile since I've done one so I tried one and after doing the 4852, nothing came up on line 7. But, you have to type it in like a regular W-2 too Try that.

Well...see; it depends! I might just happen to be doing a $500 last-minute return for a tardy but repeat Johnny-come-lately customer and I'd rather not lose him by getting bogged down with Godzilla-woman's $75 job (I've seen many a "five-minute short-form" devolve into a time-burning royal PIA). You run your shop your way and I'll do the same.

No, not me. A customer! Late yesterday afternoon the office door suddenly jerked open and in swooped a large woman fully-shrouded in a gray plastic cape; arms held straight out wide to the side and wiggling her fingers with some kind of goop smeared all over her hair and face. The appearance was of a cross between a pterodactyl and a W.D. extra -- through a Joker-like grin she said "I'm letting everything dry." Then, "What do you charge for taxes?" Startled, I realized she must have walked from Kay's Kuts 'N' Kurls a few doors down where they were evidently giving her "the Full Monty". BB (recovered): "Uh, what do you have?" PWD: "One W-2, no kids, no credits." BB: "$75 to $95." PWD: "Okay; see you on the 18th." With swirling cape and slammed door she was gone before I could say we might be busy that day......

Correction: My wife (she's mighty noticin') says I tend to get irritable and exaggerate the injustices flooding in at this time of year and could substitute for either character in "Grumpy Old Men", so she corrected me: "It was one funeral, one cremation, and one visitation; although I was glad to see you finally charge "Never-Filer" a fee. The plight and details of the operationee were heart-rending although she later mentioned it was a former sister-in-law she barely knew. The now-gone, 30-year client's spouse didn't say he wanted it done that Christmas day; you inferred that because he asked "if you were busy that day" (I was!). On the bright side, the daughter's that girl who called us last year for help on her EZ -- chances are high we'll be doing a $300 1040X on this semi-complex case."

If you weren't better looking than I am the above could be my mirror image -- went through the details of three funerals, one operation, and the extended prognosis for another. One other windjammer NEVER has to file, but stops by every year "just to check" and ALWAYS asks "Will there be any charge on that?" (This time there IS.) To top off the day a 30-year client ($250 fee) let me know her daughter (who gets in out of the rain and that's about it) will be doing her taxes this time. Don't know if they'll be missed or not - client's ex once called me on Christmas and wanted to know if I could get theirs done that day. Lord, deliver me!

Such cases don't know, understand, or care about any of the regulations and/or obstacles mentioned. He's interested in making money, period! Everything else (including you) is just white noise to him. They will present you with new facts as you proceed (sometimes invalidating what you've just done) depending on what they consider your "need to know." It would be a good idea to suggest H&R Block, say they have a large staff, you don't, and it's too complicated to get involved with now or later. In the event you do go through with it; I predict a bitter fight about your fee.

Didn't show up. Called; he's coming tomorrow. That usually works for me, but not this case. I've been pricing him out - started 7 years ago at $125 and am now just south of $1K. Curious myself as to what happens now. I don't know how far we can go on this "family" board, but I heard one something like that recently re "ladies of....". Guy asked if he could stay overnight for a million dollars; she said "Yes," and then he said "How about five bucks?" Highly indignant, she asked "What do you think I am - a prostitute?" He replied, "We've already established that; now we're negotiating the price."

In about six hours I have to tell a usually quite unpleasant and belligerent client who's paid close to nothing for years that he has to cough up $5K (unexpected windfall and, of course, never heard of estimated tax). In Roman times it was death to bring unwelcome news to the emperor -- it's shouldn't be quite that bad, but I may need to break out my lion-tamer's kit (a whip and a chair) to fend him off.

Sorry, I didn't know you were talkin' to me. Well, I guess you could say we're already kind of workin' remote, but still, Turkey Scratch is only about 15 miles from Hicksville (by the way, if you want to come down via the Mississippi, I'm not real sure if the boat still stops at Helena). I know just what you mean about payin' well (we never hire for less than minimum wage) for good work and I'm dead Serious! about it too but be danged if I can find any -- I hired my niece (only lasted a day) to make copies, she asked if I had a stool, I said "Naw, why?"and she said "Well, I'll be standing up!" Made perfect sense to her I guess. Good luck to you on trackin' down that accuracy & knowledge -- the yeahoos hereabout are focused on refund amounts only and that's that. My copier has a scanner (didn't notice for a few years), but I never hooked it up -- cain't get the cord clear across the floor to the computer without everybody trippin' over it. There's not room for one more thing on my desk either. But anyhow, on the plus side, we do have a drop box built right into the wall. Thanks for the remote offer, but I gotta start weighin' over fertilizer buggies at the gin in a couple of weeks and they usually want it done right there.

Yeah, it is. I broke out my box of neckties on March 1st (a little crass commercialism here, I suppose; that's when the guys with money start coming in). Never thought of sticking a crown on my head. There's a boy (I suppose it's a boy - it's too torturous for anybody over 21) in a nearby town who stands on the sidewalk along the main drag twisting, gyrating, and switching a sign back and forth over his head (sort of like Arnold Schwarzenegger with a sword). The sign's shaped kinda like a narrow surfboard but he's doing it so fast you can't read what it says. If it's for a tax preparer he's wasting his time and theirs too - no other signs visible. You can go in a nearby store, come out 20 minutes later; he's still doing it - the guy works harder than whoever his employer is. Or other possibilities could be it's just for fun, attention, or (not out of the question nowadays) he's a nut.

Nobody in for the first three days and stragglers dropping in yesterday and today (Friday). But that's okay, I kinda needed to get caught up and organized a bit. The big-box guys down the street are looking thin and pale - they're closing up early and I can see 'em hanging out the front door looking to lasso any scarce/stray/rare short-former who strolls by. They don't have any large cases to speak of. Ironic in a way; they just killed it a few years ago gouging the Rapid-Refund W-2 crowd with $400 short form fees for same-day checks. Now turnaround's quick, Turbo Tax is cheap, and every man-jack or his girl friend has a computer (they may not be so hot at readin' and 'ritin but they savvy "This is your refund!")

Yeah, I've had that. You just have to blow it off - close the program, open back up and it's gone. No idea what the hell it's all about. ATX is a strange bird, but...a good one.

I've got a client who could bring back the old days for you -- just ask about his operation and ............................................... (you're good 'til closing time).

Even I didn't ever use those. On the other hand, I had a Radio Shack TRS-80 that recorded programs on cassette tapes. I used it to write programs in BASIC and composed my own program for income averaging (remember that?) when we were still doing returns by hand. Had some problems though: (1) If I left the computer "on" for more than two hours it would overheat and my calculated figures would go haywire (2) When typing out a program one day, a message popped up on the screen of my little 4K rig which I had never seen before and never expect to see again: "END OF MEMORY." Funny thing, later on when upgrades started coming out by orders of magnitude (16K, 32K, 64K) I remember some guy at a tax seminar who was ridiculing the trend and asked us "What could anyone possibly need with 128K of memory?"

#1 Pensioner - comes in 4 times each season for everything: "Just got this in the mail. What's it all about?" BB: The company's raising your pension 40 cents next year. #2 EIC guy calls - "Where's my refund?" BB: (checking IRS website) It's been applied to a debt - you told me didn't owe anybody. "Well, there was one I didn't mention." #3 Beautician (yak-yak-yak-yak...must be an occupational hazard) "Put my car miles down-everybody says that counts a lot." BB: Okay, how much? "At least 100 miles." #4 "What's the fee?" BB:$125 to $145. "My son paid $75." BB: He's single with one W-2 - you've got 4 W-2s, AOTC, and child care. "We'll have to talk it over." Out the door. #5 "I've got two house mortgages so I guess I can't use both." BB: No, interest on a vacation house is okay. "Actually we rent it out." BB: We don't have any figures on that and will need to put it down. "No, we don't clear anything on it." BB: How so? "They just make the payment."

for the night - 3:15 here. Finally got all those heavy-duty cases knocked out over the weekend. Now for some light-duty stuff coming up to hopefully cruise on lightly through the week. Just to finish off last week with a bang, IRS sent me a letter. To recap; back on October 15th I filed & sent in my tax due check (stop laughing - it's normal for carpenters to live in shacks and auto mechanics/body repairmen to drive unpainted junk cars; why should we be any different?). Anyway IRS cashed my check the next week (got a bank copy), but one month later sent a letter demanding I pay them that same amount again.. Abby Normal advised ignore and it will go away (said they don't need any more mail), however nothing would do me except to speed things up - I sent a full explanation. Result: Nov-Ist IRS letter (we need 45 days to check this out)/ Jan-2nd letter (need 45 more days)/ Mar-3rd letter (need another 45 days). To be continued...

I just hate these questions of conscience (there's usually so much money at stake). Although these prior years' bodies almost certainly will never arise unless you unearth them (IRS doesn't seem to be minding the store about such nowadays), I think we all know what should be done. However, as a practical matter (and assuming you don't simply forget the whole thing and go forward), I'd advise collecting your amendment fees in advance. Sometimes "new" clients, upon being immediately clubbed with a blunt instrument, figure you're not so hot after all and become "former" clients PDQ. ____________________________________________ "These are the times that try men's (strike that) person's souls." ----- THOMAS PAINE

Well, I don't know so I asked my secretary (okay; my wife) who inputs the EF stuff and was also confused about that message. BUT, looking around she found a blue link to click on inside the program and it took her to a "buy healthcare insurance" website. So anyway, she says if your return didn't have the 1040 page 2 box checked full year's insurance or had a break in coverage during the year you sometimes get that "with messages" message. Anyway, that's what she says (and I dare not dispute her). Check your guy -- any insurance lapses? ______________________________________________________ "It destroys one's nerves to be amiable every day to the same human being." ---- DISRAELI

ATX had a problem with 8867 question 9 making you answer yes or no - whether you had a child or not. They fixed it. Now it's back - red warning on return check even if no kids. That punch in the zip code and it would fill in town and state, but in small letters - I didn't like it 'cause I type info with large caps. Somebody must have complained because a week or two ago it began switching to all caps. Now - back to small text. Must be a workaround mentality up there - some things just won't stay fixed.

I agree with this 'cause many, many years ago IRS audited my client who rented a house cut-rate to his daughter. Back then you didn't have to list the total days rented, so I didn't ask about the low figure. I don't remember how they did it (jacking the rent back up or cutting out the ducks) but anyway, he had to pay tax on FMV. Aw, he shoulda paid it but it's not that bad. Now if you want real live fraud, the above-mentioned client once bought into a scheme peddled by some fly-by-nighter while working construction in Arizona. I told him that tinfoil-hat story {"Income tax is illegal because the U.S. isn't on the gold standard"} wouldn't fly, but the tax bill (zero) was too cheap to pass up. He was audited one month after writing that on a 1040 and sending it in - had to cough up the tax plus a $500 frivolous return fine. For some odd reason he was never able to locate that "tax preparer" again.

Little bitta this; little bitta that. Can't finish anything except small stuff. Half-a-dozen large cases are languishing on "hold" for a bit of information -- if they'd just call me back. My voice mail is on 24-7 (I'm not too far behind that myself) and this one nut swears he can't catch me in the office -- I tell him I'll give you 50 bucks if you can catch me out of the office. _________________________________________________ "All good things to those who wait." -- LONGFELLOW (and Dr. Hannibal Lecter).